Freedom From Sexual Tyranny

A word of unconventional advice from a nonconforming misfit

Our lives, thoughts, desires, dreams and even potential are dictated by the tyrannical imposition of programming and manipulation. It comes at us through doctrine, ritual, tribalism and, by far the most powerful and destructive of all: marketing. The elevation of sex to an idee fixe has not only been the most lucrative endeavor in history, but the most hurtful. Why do you feel so inadequate, let down, depressed? Because you are supposed to! But, you don't have to. Shake off the programming and do what makes you truly happy!






Your body and it’s sexual functions suddenly become the property of your partner.

It is beyond me, why developed world is so obsessed with sex and looking as if you want it. Marketing and societal conditioning apart, the only answer I can come up with is that people are simply terribly insecure. Once you are not, the world turns to you with a completely different side. You see things nobody else does.

One aspect of sex in humans bothers me above all. It is that once you are in a relationship with someone, your body stops being yours. Your body and it’s sexual functions suddenly become the property of your partner. Suddenly, you owe that person sexual desire and have to perform in the bed department. Where did that come from? We are living in the most progressive era in human history, yet it is largely excepted and even demanded that the very person who we entrust our life, our well-being and our safety, has the right to claim our body.

This is what the wedding night is all about. The two sign the contract before their god or state that they own each other from now on. And their friends and family breathlessly expect them to copulate. How medieval is that? Why don’t we have “the right of the first night” for good measure?

Sex is inescapable in TV shows and films. In some of them, characters humping each other takes the quality of a subplot, so much air time and details goes into it. Not only I find sex scenes unappealing and totally pointless, I am angry because I was fooled into watching something I never would. The act of sex, to me, is as uninteresting and distasteful to share with wide audience, as showing a person relieving themselves on the toilet.

Where did all this come from – me seeing sex the way I do? For years, I have been disconnected from the hive mind. Running around the world so that Meg and I can be together. It was that and the fact that I was born in a country and the way of life, which is very different from what most of the people in Western world are accustomed to. Having no means to amass personal wealth and no consumption for the sake of consumption, my country had completely different goals and values. Manipulating people with sex in order to make them feel inadequate and insecure and buy the stuff they don’t need, wasn’t one of them.

I share this with you, because I can’t help not to. Because I think and I write things down. I want to communicate to you just one thing – you don’t need to feel inadequate and uncomfortable about yourself. The reason you do, is not because there is something wrong with you, but because you are being told to feel that way. By media, marketing and those around you. Still, like me, you have the power over many aspects of your life. You can begin doing what is right for YOU and not somebody else, starting today.


The ultimate goal is to make you feel insecure, inadequate, incompetent and constantly in need of others' approval.

You may have noticed, the obsession with sex and everything to do with it is all consuming and all that counts. It simply defines being human. I certainly can't escape it. Likely, you can't either. People who don't know you, seem to know best what you need as far as this bodily function is concerned. Countless online outlets and websites discuss the subject, convincing you that they are the ones you have to listen to, and it is their advice you must adhere to.

Think about it for a second. Likely, you aren't 17 or even 21. You have lived some good chunk of life. You are an experienced person with some idea about what you need for yourself. But wait, that isn't what the world around you wants you to believe. There are countless opportunists out there who can make money on you. Sex, the manufactured obsession with it, is just one way of doing it. The so-called "lifestyle" magazines, online media, and television networks bombard you with visual messages and bogus data to hook you into the all consuming obsession with sex. They distract you from what really counts. Convince you, sex is your number one priority in life and part you with your time and money. The ultimate goal is to make you feel insecure, inadequate, incompetent and constantly in need of others' approval.

You've seen it everywhere and might have done it yourself. To be considered attractive and dazzle your partner, one needs to spend hundreds of dollars on sexy fashions, drink a particular brand of beer, drive the flashiest car and follow the latest trend. If not, you are simply a worthless human being.

Everything you think you know about sex, or want in connection with it, was put in you by others. It is true with nearly every other aspect of your life. Who you are at this very moment, is largely the social programming that you have undergone throughout your life. The rosy notion that you are the woman/man who defines her own destiny, is just that -- an idea. It too was placed inside of you, so that you help somebody else to achieve their goals. In reality, in order to be truly free, you need to do some work. You need to have the kind of experience that extracts you from your comfort zone, makes you face the world and reshapes your attitude and your values. To keep being free, you also need to be constantly on guard. Others will keep trying to use and subjugate you.

What you want in sex and the very notion that you need to have it, isn't of your own making.

It isn't you who decides how often, when, how and who with, you will have sex. It is decided for you by others. By people who write magazine and online articles. By your family. By film-makers, who through countless sex scenes, reinforce your sexual inadequacy.

Sex is no longer a body function needed for reproduction. It is a tyranny. A tool of enslavement and manipulation. It is a cog in the all-consuming mindset machine that usurps your life and hijacks your genuine interests and needs.


Don't let anyone tell you, what to do with your body. Your body is yours and nobody else's.

You don't feel like having sex with anybody? Is that a problem? Really? Or is it marketing and programming make you feel insecure and worthless? You don't get aroused? Is that a problem for you? Or for your boyfriend/husband? If you are a man, your lack of erection is definitely a problem, they'll tell you. You are no longer a true man.

Don't listen to anybody but yourself.

Likely, you don't light your cigarette with dollar bills. You need money for the essentials: food, shelter, clothing. Yet, you give it away for the advice of a so-called expert, much the same way you do visiting the tent of a fortune teller. But you only pay a few dollars and it is entertaining. While you spend a fortune on having a sex therapist to convince you, you have a problem. Really! Realize, that the therapy industry came into being for one single purpose -- to make money. There is no science or genuine concern behind it.

There is also nothing wrong with feeling a little bummed out, every now and then. We all feel that way. Only perhaps for different reasons. A person doesn't have to be happy all the time. Quite the opposite. Life is a struggle, and not only for humans, but for every single living thing on Earth. It is okay to feel awful at times. It is okay to feel estranged and uncomfortable with others. Likely, you have tonnes of reasons to feel that way. Trust yourself and your feelings. If you have no friends, there is no psychotherapist in the world who will help you to find and keep them. What they will advise you, in fact, will be wrong for you. You will end up changing yourself, trying to fit into the very society, or the group, that made you feel unhappy in the first place.

You do not need to change. You should just embrace yourself. Let yourself be. You will see that your own contentment is what will make you merrily go on with life. Once you like who you are, others will gravitate to you. It might be just a few people. But you do not need to have hundreds of artificial friends. Quality is what matters here. Not quantity.

A therapist can't tell you what kind of sex is right for you. Don't let anyone tell you, what to do with your body. Your body is yours and nobody else's. You do not need to have a life partner, if you don't want one. And you do not need to have sex, be that with your life partner or anybody else, if you don't want to. Do, what you need for yourself!


Women are convinced that they can never say "no".

The statistics they will never make public is how many pregnancies in the world are unwanted. Likely, it is way more than fifty percent. I can't recall any woman I knew actually wanting it to happen to her when it did. The conversation would be instead about how to avoid becoming pregnant. None of it had anything to do with men. Because the proverbial truth is, that you can't prevent a man from screwing you. It can't be done. When a man wants to penetrate you, he just does. Women are convinced that they have no say in it. That they can never say no. That once a man is hard and has his eye on you, it is your obligation to become his sex toy. A woman is an object for man's pleasure. In Russia, most of us learn that wisdom from the very beginning, with the help of our society and mothers.

Almost all my girlfriends ended up pregnant. About half of them, the lucky ones, never saw the father of their child again. The other half, having been turned into breeding and child rearing machines, convince themselves that it was their destiny and they chose it. In modern Russia, only a few women, and I am one of them, escaped the tentacles of tyranny and followed their dreams.

It all comes down to education of girls. What a young woman needs to know the most, doesn't even require teachers and an educational facility. She would receive this piece of information, only if she is loved by her family.

A young woman needs to know, that she has the right to say no. That her body is hers and hers alone. That she should take care of it and stand up for it. That she and her life do not belong to anyone. That she doesn't have to be near boys/men if she doesn't want to. That she doesn't need their attention. That she doesn't need to start having sex. That it isn't a test, a quest or the only way into adult life.

Competing to loose your virginity and be promiscuous is self-destructive beyond words. It is unthinkable, that we allow it to be done to us and to our lives! Marketing agendas and indoctrination completely reshape who we are and what we do!

I am cutting to the chase. Here are a few simple equations:

Women and girls, you will not hear this anywhere, that's why I am telling you:

You do not need to have a man in your life, or anybody at all, if you don't want to.


You do not need to have sex, if you don't want to.

You should stand up for yourself and your life by saying no, when you do not want to have sex, or when you don't intend to reproduce.

There is only one person who knows what's best for you -- it is you! Trust yourself. Listen to your feelings, they are there for a reason. Most importantly, love yourself!


What those articles really tell you is this: You have a problem, and we have a solution.

In nearly every lifestyle magazine/outlet, the bodily function of copulation is being equated to love/relationship. It is nothing surprising. It is, again, just the ways of marketing.

What those articles really tell you is this: You have a problem, and we have a solution.

You jump to reading that nonsense, figuring out the proper way to shag your partner, and what it is you ought to wear while doing it. There are also plenty of photos of couples, hugging, smiling, utterly euphoric, to prove to you that not having sex, or liking it, means you don't, in fact, have a relationship. Only by constantly shagging your loved one, can you actually love her/him.

Come on... Really... Is this how you feel? At the moment you look at the one you love and have tears in your eyes form what you feel for her/him, is it to mount her/him you want? Or do you want to hold that person close to you and share life with her/him? You know the answer.


Women are taught that being a sex object is their only purpose in life, and is the only way to present themselves in public.

The common wisdom is that a woman isn't attractive if she doesn't wear high heels. If she isn't dressed in the lightest garment that exposes her and costs a fortune. And if she doesn't have her face covered with harmful substances.

You are willingly doing it to yourself. Ask yourself, do you actually want to? Do cosmetics, hurting yourself with high heels, and being half-naked in public, in any way enhance your life experience? Or does it cripple and debase you instead? Why do you think you are being encouraged to expose your intimate parts before strangers? Do you want to be objectified? Or would you rather be treated as a person with her own mind, talents, aspirations and interests?

It isn't easy, making women aware of the ways marketing makes them willing participants in their own debasement and denigration. Women are taught that being a sex object is their only purpose in life, and is the only way to present themselves in public. The best example is any fancy public event with celebrities. All of it is about defining clear gender roles and insecurities to establish a clear gender-based marketing. And guess what... None of it is essential to you. A woman, as a man -- as anybody at all with human form -- would be perfectly happy wearing a flannel shirt, a pair of jeans and a pair of comfortable shoes. That's it. Anything else -- expensive watch, jewelry, clothing, cars, houses and what you stuff them with -- is a waste of money and life.


Don't let others -- media, friends, marketers, gurus, therapists -- mislead you. Listen to your heart and acknowledge what it says.


You know you best, and you know what's best for you. Stick to it. Don't betray yourself. Don't let others -- media, friends, marketers, gurus, therapists -- mislead you. Listen to your heart and acknowledge what it says.


Defend yourself, acknowledge your fears. They are your warning signs of a future disaster. You have the power to prevent it.


you are subjected to by the media and popular culture. They aren't subjecting you to it because they care about you. They are doing it to control your attitudes, actions and dollars. Ask yourself, if it is really what you want? Are you comfortable wearing this? Really? Honestly? Do you want that greasy, toxic goop on your face? Do you want to pay for something that is totally useless to you? That money could get you many tasty meals, and it can keep you safe and comfortable, or it can help you discover the world. Spend your money on something that makes you truly happy.


Corporations and your state aren't interested in your honesty and freedom. They need to keep you fearful and insecure so that you ignore your own feelings and interests and become a clean slate for programming. Think of yourself as an independent, strong, capable human, such as we once had to be, when our ancestors roamed the natural world. We chose our own path. We fought for our survival and defined our destiny. Increasingly, freedom to live as we want is being taken away from us under the guise of a greater good. Claim it back. Claim your life back. Be who you dream of becoming. All is possible. To hell with self-doubt, it won't get you anywhere but to stagnation and subjugation.


Nobody has the right to own you and your body. And you can be truly happy by listening to yourself and acknowledging your own feelings! Sex, like alcohol, can be pleasurable. Just don't let anybody tell you when and how you should have it. The same way, you wouldn't let anybody tell you when you should have a drink. It is entirely up to you.

Freedom from Sexual Tyranny, book, Elena Ivanova


1 - Sexual Tyranny Around You

The obsession with sex is all-consuming

2 - You Don't Have a Problem

You are not a freak, if you don't want to have sex with anyone

3 - Freedom to Say "No"

You don't need to have sex

4 - Sex Is Not Love

We are constantly being told that sex is love

5 - Do Away With the Props

Spend your money on something that makes you truly happy

6 - Conclusion

You, yourself, are your best guide